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This is a series of comics I did over the years, based on an imagined organization set on trying to outlaw breastfeeding in public. Far-fetched? I think not. Totally sarcastic? yes. One a day for three days.

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BOOBI!- Action League
Somewhere in the USA

Dear Every Newspaper Editor,

Would you like to increase your readership through controversy? Create notoriety for your commentary? Instant celebrity for a columnist? would you like to use the word breast over and over again to titillate (see #2 below) your audience? Then I urge you to write an editorial condemning the act of breastfeeding in public and help us stop this cultural scourge before it spreads. Here’s a quick template to help you, help us.

1. Pick a writer that has some relationship with breastfeeding. Are they a parent who did it once? Were they once a baby? Someone who has seen breastfeeding and was grossed out by it? Mention the writer’s connection first thing, so that your readers will know that they have an expert opinion.

2. The writer should mention that she didn’t want to write this article, but had to get it ‘off her chest’ (for fun, scatter breast puns throughout the article!) The writer should also admit that she knows she will receive hate mail from ‘hysterical’ women. This immediately puts offended mothers on the defensive and now your writer seems funny and kind of nice.

3. Now let the insults fly! Other columnists have called breastfeeding ‘obscene’ and ‘disgusting’. Get creative with your own derisive descriptions. Some columnists have gotten rave reviews for calling mothers ‘militants’ and ‘breast-nazis’, see if you can come up with even better names! And of course, compare breastfeeding to ‘urinating’ and ‘defecating’, popular culture loves scatological comparisons.

4. Finally, the writer should demand that breastfeeding mothers and babies be completely segregated from public view. (and you thought the fun of minority segregation was a thing of the past!)

That’s all you have to do! And don’t worry about any repercussions or boycotts…babies have no political power and breastfeeding mothers don’t have any power either. Heck, they can barely hold down ad job! So go ahead, bash away and everyone wins (except for mothers and babies, but who cares? breastfeeding is gross!)

sincerely,

Breastfeeding is Obscene and i’m Outraged By IT! -Action League …